Duck of Justice

The Duck of Justice for 10/5/17: Stay for fall, see Maine’s beauty before the snow

Officer Keith Larby wearing the residual foil from a baked goods delivery.
Bangor Police Department

Aww,man! Did you have to leave so soon?

Maybe I didn’t fill you in about our autumn spend two, get one free special (STGOFs). If you stay in Maine for two or more days in the fall, it will seem like you have had three days off.

Where else can you get that kind of return on your hard earned vacation time? I can tell you where (I really can’t).

At 4:02 p.m. on Sept. 22, it became autumn. Now, if you were not here, I can’t help you. But I urge you to come back up in the next few weeks. There are very few things on this great big orb that equal the beauty of Maine between now and when the snow flies. And the snow is going to fly, probably right in my face. You get used to it.

If you have a weak constitution you are gonna want to get the heck out of here within a few days after Thanksgiving.

If you are sturdy, own some flannel (hopefully with patches on the elbows), and a good pair of home-knit mittens, you can stay a little longer.

For now, embrace the fall with us. It really is the way it should be.

You should listen to the song ‘The Reach’ from Dan Fogelberg. The man had it figured out and could relay it through music. Something I cannot do for you.

What are you doing this weekend. After all, this is about you.

Tell us where you are, what you’re going to be doing, and why the heck you are still reading when you can be outside?

Be well.

All we have is each other.

*editor’s note: Never feed your dog a raisin, or at least avoid mentioning it on a FB page-TC*

Now go ahead and read if you would like…..

I have been working on some other things this week, mainly the things they pay me to do here at 240 Main Street. I have had no time to write “Got Warrants?”

I have days the words just fly out of my fingers like cheap candy from a case-lot of factory second piñatas at a warehouse store after the sprinkler went off.

Of course, I also have days where everything I write is as confusing as the assembly instructions on a discount “build your own ham radio kit” from a fly-by-night flea market seller working out of a white Ford windowless van on the side of U.S. Route 1 on the rock-bound Maine coast in July.

So, with that said, I am writing nothing.

I am enjoying a bottle of IBC Root Beer while my Boxer/Labrador mixed breed lady-friend (incidentally, picked up out of the back of a Volvo wagon near Waldoboro, Maine in August of 2015) passes unusual amounts toxic gas after eating one McDonald’s hamburger (no bun), a small amount of chicken from my plate of homemade alfredo over linguini, and a home-baked oatmeal-raisin cookie from my friend Vivian.

The cookie was stolen off the arm of the couch. The odor is not unlike that of a dead rodent rotting in the wall of a Maine cabin after the spring opening.

So, with nothing to write about, I share with you a photo of our own Officer Keith Larby wearing a tinfoil hat.

It was sent to me about a month ago by a fine, caring, compassionate emergency room nurse from one of of our local medical facilities, Melissa Brautigam R.N.

Larby did tell me that he had baked some things (yes, the boy bakes) and had taken something to the hospital to share with hospital staff. As nice as that seems, he still fashioned this hat with the residual foil.

The boy ain’t right.

Lucky for us, the excessive gel in his hair captured all of the crumbs so he did not leave a mess on the floor of the facility.

Keep your hands to yourself, leave other people’s things alone, and be kind to one another.

We will be here.


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