Duck of Justice

The Duck of Justice for 8/31/17: An eclipse of the past and two officers’ ‘iconic’ discovery

Officer Keith Larby and Officer Robert Hallet with the Oscar Mayer weinermobile.
The Bangor Police Department

From the Bangor Police Department

The last time I watched a solar eclipse was in March of 1970. My grandfather crafted one of those cardboard box contraptions that we could peer into in order to see the reflection of the eclipse on a white index card contained therein.

My grandfather was a good man, and during the buildup to the event, I was warned approximately twenty-seven hundred and forty-two times not to look directly at the sun during the eclipse. That actually might be a low estimate.

I was scared to even glance at the sun that day.

Do you know how hard it is NOT to look up at the sun once you are warned not to do it? Of course you do. It’s human nature to look at something immediately upon being warned to avoid it. The same thing happened with several issues of National Geographic, driving past car accidents when my parents were driving, or the minute something racy would come on television and my mother would try to shoo me out of the living room. You just peered with more purpose and intensity.

As you can tell by the date of my last eclipse experience I grew up in an era when there was only one television in the house, so if you were shooed out of a room, you might as well go to try to find a copy of National Geographic.

I did some reading about eclipses hoping to be able to share with you something relevant and new. I realized that it’s all been said already. It was so much more mysterious and cool when I was kid. No Internet, relying on my grandfather for advice, and following his warnings to a fault.

There are times when I wonder if all this information makes us better or not. The ease of availability has made me much more lazy. Maybe we should give our kids a whole collection of The Encyclopedia Britannica to peruse prior to planting a pentium on their desk. They would appreciate this Internet-thing so much more.

If you fail to buy into the rage of eclipse glasses, you can always use a colander in the future. The next one will be on April 8, 2024. Plenty of time to prepare.

Stand back to the eclipse, hold a colander beside your head, and hold a white piece of paper up in front of your face. The colander acts as a pin-hole projector, and the white paper is your screen. Just make sure to put the colander back in the cupboard by Prince spaghetti day. Make sure someone takes a photo of you doing this. It will become a family heirloom.

One important tip is to avoid trying to watch an eclipse while operating a motor vehicle.

While no state legislatures have been able to come together and find a way to collect a fine from you for “eclipsing and driving,” it still falls under distracted driving laws and can be very dangerous.

Keep your hands to yourself, leave other people’s eclipse-goggles alone, and be kind to one another.

This wagon was porked perpendicular to the parallel lines…but we did not care one bit, we’ll ketchup with him.

Why write something new, when Elvis has already described this photo perfectly?

Officer Keith Larby and his rookie trainee Officer Robert Hallett discovered this iconic American rolling wienie while patrolling their beat.

But, like I said, Elvis sang it better-

“I fell in love with you and then you went away

But now you’re coming home to stay

Hot dog, soon everything will be all right

Hot dog, we’re gonna have a ball tonight

I’ve got a pocketful of dimes

It’s gonna be just like old times, hot dog”

We would like to thank Andrea, (our wonderful mental health liaison) who is embedded with our patrol division in order to help those in need, for taking the photo of these two delighted young men.

Yes, I have been told she did roll her eyes.

Wienie will be here.

TC

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