Duck of Justice

The Duck of Justice for 6/29/17: A musical interlude from TC

From The Bangor Police Department

We are having an uptick in car burglaries, but no one has lost a window as of yet this year. Why? Because a car burglar does not need to break a window when about 87% of all car doors are left unlocked.

(Percentages are completely made up in most of my posts. This one is no different. I would have said, “most” but I have been called on the carpet for that as well.)

Locking your doors has never been easier. For crying out loud, most motor vehicles come with a key-fob that can be manipulated with one finger as you saunter away from your ride.

You don’t even have to look over your shoulder as you will be confident that you have completed your task when the car beeps back at you to confirm that you have done your best at securing your belongings.

Dinner conversations will become more interesting when you proudly announce to your family, “Well honey, I want to let you and the kids know that I did not get the raise I was promised, but I was successful in locking the car this evening!”

The kids will look at each other with wide wonder as they responsibly pick up their dinner dishes and head to the kitchen for clean up. Then they will whisper to one another how happy and safe they feel because someone at the house took the time to lock the doors to the Buick.

Losing their iPhones down the crevices in the upholstery will come with confidence as they know it will still be where they lost it when they find it again.

Why is this so hard?

Lock the doors, install motion lights outside of your home, bring all valuables inside the house, and hide the things your must leave in your car.

Our officers have been focusing on patrolling the neighborhoods, but call if you see someone in your driveway or lurking around your neighborhood. Call us – we will come.

I will leave you with the lyrics of the common (and musically aware) car burglar’s theme song.

“You can’t always get what you want

But if you try sometimes well you might find

You get what you need” (Richards/Jagger).



If you step out on the deck that needs a quick pressure wash and two or three coats of stain, you will soon be rewarded with one of those mornings where you can actually hear Steve Winwood singing “Back in the Highlife Again.”

It’s as if a carload of Eagle Scout candidates from Penobscot County hijacked one of their father’s pickups and loaded all the humidity in the back in order to drive it to Alabama where they will leave it for the rest of the summer.

No offense intended to our Alabama readers. I know you folks have a much better handle on how to dress for hot and humid weather.

The Scouts needed to finish a project anyway, and there have already been far too many swingsets built that those darn kids won’t use because they are all on the Xbox.

It’s one of those days. If you have a sunroof-open it. If you have a stereo-turn it up. Leave early for any intended destination, even it it’s work related. Take the long way.

If someone cuts you off, keep all your fingers inside the car and turn up the music a little louder. It is all going to work out.

If you need a cop, you should call us. I suspect (because cops love to “suspect”) the police in the Queen City will be taking in the beautiful day as well. Windows will be down and the fan on the air conditioner will be on the low setting. Trust me, the dispatchers know how to find us- and if you need help-it won’t take us long.

In all seriousness, seize this day. Commit no crimes. Smile at people. This is not all that hard.

Keep your hands to yourself, leave other people’s things alone, and be kind to one another.

We will be here.


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