The Duck of Justice for 5/11/17: “Ode To The Pants”
From The Bangor Police Department:
These police pants were probably well past their prime when they parted in a manner perpendicular to the pavement.
It is also possible that the pants were parallel to the pavement when the participant pursued the perp.
Even pants can lose their patience when the primary occupant partakes in pastry as a principal prescription.
Perchance the Po-Po previously became perplexed by the pantaloons no longer possessing a certain “stretchy pliability” for the portly party pressing against the panels of the polyester pant-shaped prison.
Perhaps he had used a partner to pull the pants on prior to this painful one-act play.
Previous patches could not stop the pants penchant to peel.
Personally, I am pessimistic that these pants will patrol near the mighty Penobscot ever again.
Prepare to pitch them into the pile with all the others that preceded them, praying that they proudly take their place in police pant purgatory, patrolling the streets of gold.
This Monday missive is dedicated to Officer Keith Larby and his recently departed pants.
May they rest in pieces.
Keep your hands to yourself, leave other people’s things alone, and be kind to one another.
We will be here.