Duck of Justice

The Duck of Justice for 5/4/17: The Duck has entered the building

Yes, the Duck of Justice is back in the building.

Yes, there was a well produced and reported multimedia masterpiece on WABI TV5  last evening.

Our legal team (consisting of a paralegal as well as a guy who said he walked by the University of Maine School of Law and found a tassel from an Oxford cap left on the ground after a 1997 graduation ceremony) have advised me to let you know that the DOJ is not ready to be seen yet.

He is in a recuperative state. This does not relate to Maine being referred to as Vacationland.

We will be reintroducing the Duck of Justice in the next couple of weeks. He will no longer be mobile and tossed around like a sack of sugar because his surgeon, Ryan Rhodes at North Rhodes Taxidermy in Stockton Springs, Maine has threatened me with bodily injury with no hope of rehabilitation if the DOJ is touched by the human hand ever again.

He is now in a very comfortable habitat, and will be on display soon in our Bangor Police Department Museum. Yes, we have a museum.

I should also mention that there is an international meeting of police museum curators coming up in New Zealand in 2018 and we were invited to attend. The police chief has determined that New Zealand is too far to travel for such and event (he is extremely cheap) but he did say that we could go to Wasses hotdogs in Belfast as long as we paid for gas and the the hotdogs. So, we are wearing him down.

All I am trying to say is that the duck is in the billding (relax, about the cool spelling) and will be ready for visitors in the next month or so.

I did promise a woman and her husband from New York State that they could come to my office today to see the duck since they were driving all night in a motor home just to see Stephen King’s house and the Duck of Justice.

Like a scene from Breaking Bad, this should be entertaining.

He will be ready soon.

Keep your hands to yourself, leave other people’s things alone, and be kind to one another.

“Keep your grubby little paws off the duck” -Ryan Rhodes 04-19-2017



I sent the Bangor Police Department-Permanent Oversight Of Pleasantry committee to the Bangor City Forest on Earth Day.

The purpose of their visit was to bring back some footage of flora and fauna along with pleasant, bucolic photos of the vantage points and vistas contained within this magnificent public recreation area.

I just wanted everyone to see what we have to offer in the way of walking trails, bike paths, and parking facilities. But instead of the pictures I requested- I received these gems.

The age old questions have been answered.

  1. Does a bear poop in the woods? Yes.
  2. When you gotta go, you gotta go! Of course.
  3. If horse pucky falls in the Bangor City Forest-should you pick it up? Naturally.
  4. Do we have the best graphics and prop department in America? Yes, they made the tiny signs with only recycled paper and ink made from the tears of 300 Bumble Bees and a fine, multi-colored sand that is found in a secret location within the city forest.

Ok, ok, it might have actually been a Sharpie found underneath the seat of Animal Control Officer Trish Bruning’s Volkswagen Vanagon, but it was Earth Day nevertheless.

Bruning has been getting some complaints about the walking trails being decorated with doody and this is our way of requesting that if you bring your horse to the City Forest for a day of galloping and gallivanting, please take all your belongings with you when you leave. This includes your saddle, bridle, and anything the horse might have dropped on the walking trails.

We do not have a PR (Poop Removal) firm on retainer. All we have is me, and that ain’t much. I certainly am not going to be shoveling your stuff and still be able to keep up with shoveling mine.

Pick up your pucky. It’s much more polite than forcing me to post pics of poop on the page for the purpose of public perusal.

Keep your hands to yourself, leave other people’s things alone, and be kind to one another.

We will be here. Wiping off our hiking shoes. What are you doing this weekend? Drop us a comment-see what I did there?

Thanks for reading our page.


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